Hiding Smokers « Result #1 on Mar 14, 2009, 7:46am »
Two nuns were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said,"It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so Mother Superior doesn't find them."
The second nun said, "I've found a marvelous invention called the condom, which really solves this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!"
The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.
"You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them." The next day the good sister went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. "Good morning, sister," said the pharmacist.
"What can I do for you today?"
"I'd like some condoms, please," said the nun. The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked,
"How many boxes would you like? There are twelve to a box."
"I'll take six boxes - that should last about a week," she replied.
The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was almost afraid to ask any more questions, but his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice, "Sister, what size condoms would you like - we have large, extra large, and big liar size."
The sister thought for a minute, and finally said, "I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel."
Enlarging The Breast « Result #2 on Mar 14, 2009, 7:45am »
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.
The husband comes up with a suggestion. ¡°If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.¡±
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. ¡°How long will this take?¡± she asks.
¡°They¡¯ll grow larger over a period of years,¡± he replies.
The wife stops. ¡°Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?¡±
The husband shrugs. ¡°Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?¡±
When Logic Prevails « Result #3 on Mar 14, 2009, 7:45am »
Two nuns went out of their convent for a walk. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It was getting dark and they were still far away from the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follows us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down........
¡¡¡¡My husband asked me to go to the post office to mail his resume in anticipation of a job interview. He instructed me to send it the fastest way possible.
¡¡¡¡Struck by the urgency in his voice, I grabbed a handful of change and dashed out the door. Arriving at the post office, I rushed to the counter and breathlessly explained to the clerk that my envelope had to be delivered immediately . He casually weighed the envelope and said it would cost $ 10.03.I fumbled through my pockets and tallied up my coins. "But I don't have $ 10. 03, " I said. He punched some more buttons and said, "Okay, that will be $ 7. 40, ma am.
¡¡¡¡Once more I said in dismay, "Sorry, I don't have $ 7.40.
¡¡¡¡"Well," he sighed, "exactly how much do you have?"
¡¡¡¡I meekly answered, "I have exactly $ 2. 15, sir."
¡¡¡¡With that, he yelled over his shoulder to a coworker, "Hey, Charlie, get the pigeon ready.
Mr. FooI Wants to Move the Mountain « Result #5 on Feb 27, 2009, 4:08am »
there were two high mountains between Jizhou in the south and Heyang in the north. One was called Taihang Mountain and the other Wangwu Mountain.wow power leveling, Both of the mountains were very high.
Just to the north of the mountains lived an old man called Yu Gong who was nearly 90 years old. With the two high mountains just in front of his house, his family and he had to walk a long way around the mountains whenever they had something to do on the other side of the mountains.
One day, Yu Gong called all his family together to talk about how to move the two mountains to other places. His wife said, "An old man like you cannot even move a small hill, not to mention the two high mountains.wow power leveling, Even if you can, where can you throw so much earth and stone?"
"the Bohai Sea is big enough to contain all the earth and stone," Yu Gong said. So it was decided. His children started to dig the mountains, led by the old man Yu Gong.
A man named Zhi Sou saw them working and tried to stop them, saying, "You are so silly! You're so old and weak that you can't even take away the grass and trees. wow gold,How can you move the high mountains?"
"You're wrong," Yu Gong said with a sigh. "Look, my sons can continue my work after my death. When my sons die, my grandchildren will continue. So generations after generations, there's no end.wow gold, But the mountains can't grow higher. Do you still say I can¡¯t move them away?"
Later the Heaven God, upon learning of Yu Gong¡¯s story, was GREatly moved.wow power leveling, He then ordered another god to come down and take the two high mountains away.
the story tells us that so long as one is determined and sticks to it long enough, anything can be done, wow gold,no matter how difficult it is.
A Guy Named Bill « Result #6 on Feb 27, 2009, 4:08am »
His name was Bill. He had wild hair, wore a T-shirt with holes in it, blue jeans and no shoes. In the entire time I knew him I never once saw Bill wear a pair of shoes. Rain, sleet or snow, Bill was barefoot. This was literally his wardrobe for his whole four years of college.
He was brilliant and looked like he was always pondering the esoteric.wow power leveling He became a Christian while attending college. Across the street from the campus was a church full of well-dressed, middle-class people. They wanted to develop a ministry to the college students, but they were not sure how to go about it.
One day, Bill decided to worship there. He walked into the church, complete with his wild hair, T-shirt, blue jeans and bare feet.wow gold The church was completely packed, and the service had already begun. Bill started down the aisle to find a place to sit. By now the people were looking a bit uncomfortable, but no one said anything.
As Bill moved closer and closer to the pulpit,wow power leveling he realized there were no empty seats. So he squatted and sat down on the carpet right up front. (Although such behavior would have been perfectly acceptable at the college fellowship, this was a scenario this particular congregation had never witnessed before!) By now, the people seemed uptight, and the tension in the air was thickening.
Right about the time Bill took his ¡°seat,¡± a deacon began slowly making his way down the aisle from the back of the sanctuary. The deacon was in his eighties, had silver gray hair, a three-piece suit and a pocket watch.wow power leveling He was a godly man -- very elegant, dignified and courtly. He walked with a cane and, as he neared the boy, church members thought, ¡°You can¡¯t blame him for what he¡¯s going to do. How can you expect a man of his age and background to understand some college kid on the floor?¡±
It took a long time for the man to reach the boy.wow gold The church was utterly silent except for the clicking of his cane. You couldn¡¯t even hear anyone breathing. All eyes were on the deacon.
But then they saw the elderly man drop his cane on the floor.wow gold With great difficulty, he sat down on the floor next to Bill and worshipped with him. Everyone in the congregation choked up with emotion. When the minister gained control, he told the people, ¡°What I am about to preach, you will never remember. What you¡¯ve just seen, you will never forget.¡±
New song called......CAPTURE « Result #7 on May 27, 2007, 1:50am »
Hello.......please check out my new song called 'CAPTURE' its an uplifting & positive song.......i hope all is going well with everyone,keep the vibes strong......all the best willie [ratroofrecords]
get signed! get laid! « Result #9 on Apr 16, 2007, 9:13pm »
from what ive seen the industry is cold/ but yo look at Dre one album and like 7 million records sold/so much contreversy but it doesnt bother me/ possibly cause i'm a rare striaght from the heart emcee/come see as a i rip it all up/heyo shady, benzino should try on some c cups/this is a crazy state of mind/a phycic told me one time to stay on the grind/its hard to focus even tho only two things on my mind/getting laid and getting signed/if i did my pic wouldnt be up in the source/i say that line wit no remorce/and i say both those lines with strong force/i think they need to reset there rap course/and if i was married to the editor id ask for a divorce/all i need is a willing producer/i wanan get signed cause people told me i'm a rap seducer/their comes a time to play your trix/get up quick n tie up your kicks/you either do the quick fix/or you toss it and give it the deep 6/to the people who never had my back your thingys/i sed untill the end of time we wont intermix/and by the way i took all your chicks/ one kiss and they sed i was sweeter then pixy sticks.
Dance Music Software « Result #10 on Apr 7, 2007, 8:49pm »
I use Cubase SX3 along with various VST Synth Modules.
The best synths i use are the Albino, Imposcar, Korg Legacy and the REFX synths especially the REFX Vanguard.
These are the synths you will want if you are making dance music although are plenty more out there as well. It all depends on your style and which you prefer working on etc.
Also as the person above me has wrote...Reason 3. This can be used alone or even better as a VST within Cubase. Something i will trying out shortly myself.
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